Love Letter

This writer was able to say exactly how I feel. Please, read on.

Love Letter by N. Love Wither

I write this for the one who has yet to enter my life.

As I sit here, pen in hand, my thoughts drift to the day our paths will cross.

It may not be today...unlikely tomorrow...maybe not anytime soon.

Despite my discouragements, I know that you're out there.

I have saved up my deepest and truest emotions for you, and I know that one day I'll be able to fear no more.

To be able to finally break down my barriers and let this heart learn to love and be loved.

I have been shattered, like the words spoken from the ones who came before you. I have been reduced to almost nothing by someone's irresponsible games. I've felt abandoned and discarded. I have felt unwanted, unloved, uncared for...And this has made me somewhat bitter...unattached...cautious. And the only thoughts that bring me back are thoughts of you. That someday, someone will feel for me what I have felt for the others who've come my way. The hope of finally being able to let my heart be in the care of someone I trust...someone other than myself, gives me something to look forward to.

I have my insecurities...and no doubt I'm not perfect. I've finally accepted the fact that I lack in certain aspects: I might not be the smartes, or most talented...and at times, I admit, my jokes are corny. But know this...

I will be at your side when you need me.

I will help you get through your sorrows and wipe away the tears.

I will laugh with you at the dumbest jokes...and even at the ones I don't get or don't think are funny.

I will share the silence with you when you want the company, but not the conversation.

I will walk with you through moments in your life when you don't want to be alone, and cheer you on when I can't be beside you.

I will keep you grounded if ever your triumphs get the best of you.

I will pick you up and encourage you when you fall and lose faith in yourself.

I will reassure you that your flaws are not your setbacks, but the reality that makes you the person you are. However, it does not define you.

And best of all... I will love you with everything I have to give that it will last you ten lifetimes...you will never be without it.

So still...I sit here, pen in hand...waiting patiently for our worlds to collide. And I am somewhat at comfort in knowing that you're out there and we'll find each other when the time is right.

It may not be today...unlikely tomorrow...but the faith I have in God and love gives me hope that our time WILL come.

For now, I write this letter for the one who has yet to enter my heart; knowing that one day you'll read this and know that even before I met you...before I knew you...I was thinking about you.

Thank you, N. Love, for writing the words I cannot come up with. Thank you for expressing my feelings for me. Thank you for giving me hope that, no matter how distant in the future it may be, he will come.

~spanishdude

Starting the Year

This is my first blog for the year and it marks my 25th year of existence.

Happy birthday, spanishdude.

I only had 1 request of the universe for my birthday, and I got the answer to it pretty quickly -- the answer was a 'no'.

I wanted to have him back today. He said no. Tough luck.

The Hebrews have a proverb that says "If you want something bad enough, the whole universe will conspire to give it to you". I know I want him really bad, so I guess the universe isn't listening.

He's right beside me, sleeping peacefully like a baby. I know I got nothing to complain about. We're no longer together, yet he's still here, "celebrating" my day with me. Truth be told, I got absolutely nothing planned today. I just want to bum around with him -- and I'm doing just that.

Sometimes, counting one's blessings is tough especially when thoughts of what lacks come to play:

- Dad in the States, slaving himself for money.

- Mom six feet under the ground since 2006.

- Him not wanting to come back to me.

- Currently job hunting.

My mentor told me that everything is just about Perception and Objectives. So what do I want to focus on this year? What counts? What matters? What do I already have?

To address bullet number 1, dad is in the States to earn for his family -- and that includes me. Sooner or later I will be with him there, so I guess that's not really a big issue.

To address bullet number 2, my mom has put her subtitutes in place. She has put them down so strategically that I have a "mother" for various specific needs. I am covered.

To address bullet number 4, I'm not entirely out-of-job; I'm getting paid to chill and look for a new post within the company and outside the company. What's the worry?

Now this leaves bullet number 3 unaddressed. I seriously have no answer to this one. I guess when they said "Love is blind", they weren't kidding. Love blinds you. Love takes out that sense so much that I cannot see what lies before me. All I want is him. He has, once again, become the center of my life. I want him. I want him back.

I can feel my 25th year starting with another blow to the gut of emotions and a big ocean of tears is well on its way to my ducts. I will fight it as hard as I could, but I think I will fail again.

I hope for the improvement of my year. I pray for the betterment of all the aspects of my life. I wish for everything to turn out as well as I envisioned everything to be.

If at least for today, I choose to be happy. To borrow the words of my mentor, "suffering is optional".

If at least for today, I will have fun.

~spanishdude

Is it really worth it?

A friend from a social networking site posted this on his wall:

"Save the night. Save the day.

Save your love, come what may.

Love is worth everything we pay."

Is it really worth it, though? Is love worth everything we pay?

Every year, my family celebrates Thanksgiving by preparing a lavish meal on the Saturday following the actual Thanksgiving day. This year, it was tonight.

A few days ago, my stepmom told me that she invited The X over to join us for our annual Thanksgiving Dinner. I said yes. Heck! I'm good to go. I'm still in the process of moving on, but I was sure that I could handle it.

Tonight I got to see him again. Tonight I got to spend time with him again. Tonight... tonight he managed to shatter me to pieces again.

I've spent 5 months of trying to recuperate from the crash. I've spent 5 months trying to move on. I've spent 5 grueling months forcing myself to believe that I'm fine and that I'll be okay...

...and it took him 2 lazy hours to have me disillusioned once more.

Is it still worth it? Is love still worth everything we pay?

I pay with tears. I pay with sadness. I pay with grievances. I pay with pain.

I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

Is it, now, still worth it?

Yesteryear

If tonight

were a night

from yesteryear

I know

I would be home

nestled in your embrace.

But tonight

is not

from yesteryear

so I search

the night

for anything

that could

Fill

the void.

History Repeats Itself

"History repeats itself" was, and is, something that is common for a lot of people.

They fail to realize (as I have only realized now) that 'history' repeating itself may be someone's story from way back when, and now it is yours, too, to share.

Read on.



...fuck

learn.

learn.

learn to say goodbye.

learn to accept that it is not because it was not meant to be.

he just doesn't want it. want you.

the small slices at the heart-core, that eats away at your vitality.

would one stab be more merciful?

...fuck.



*Taken from the blogs of Noir Kohl

Cathartic Release

AWWWWWWFFFFUUUCCCKKIIITTTT!!!

I have nothing more to say. I'm just... venting. :)

Bakit Pa by Jessa Zaragoza

Ok... So a friend of mine came up with a great idea of putting songs up on YouTube, covering famous songs by different artists. Here's the twist though: the songs will be sung in Gay Lingo! LOL!

First song:

Bakit Pa by Jessa Zaragoza

Verse:
Parang wit ko yata keri
Pag sa buhay kez waley ketch
Aneklur ang shog-ibig kung
Heart kez ay solo flight?
Cynthiang aking kokyowagin?
Cythinang aking sa-sightsung-in?
Sinekwabum magshushuno
Sa'king pag kokrombing?


Chorus:
Borket ka pa na-sightsung,
More more pang get-to-know-you,
Kung ang kyuso kez ay jijiwan mo lang at shoshoktan?
Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.

(repeat verse, repeat chorus, interlude)

Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.

Borket ka pa na-sightsung,
More more pang get-to-know-you,
Kung ang kyuso kez ay jijiwan mo lang at shoshoktan?
Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.
(repeat)

Keri, itey ay keribumchi.