Love Letter

This writer was able to say exactly how I feel. Please, read on.

Love Letter by N. Love Wither

I write this for the one who has yet to enter my life.

As I sit here, pen in hand, my thoughts drift to the day our paths will cross.

It may not be today...unlikely tomorrow...maybe not anytime soon.

Despite my discouragements, I know that you're out there.

I have saved up my deepest and truest emotions for you, and I know that one day I'll be able to fear no more.

To be able to finally break down my barriers and let this heart learn to love and be loved.

I have been shattered, like the words spoken from the ones who came before you. I have been reduced to almost nothing by someone's irresponsible games. I've felt abandoned and discarded. I have felt unwanted, unloved, uncared for...And this has made me somewhat bitter...unattached...cautious. And the only thoughts that bring me back are thoughts of you. That someday, someone will feel for me what I have felt for the others who've come my way. The hope of finally being able to let my heart be in the care of someone I trust...someone other than myself, gives me something to look forward to.

I have my insecurities...and no doubt I'm not perfect. I've finally accepted the fact that I lack in certain aspects: I might not be the smartes, or most talented...and at times, I admit, my jokes are corny. But know this...

I will be at your side when you need me.

I will help you get through your sorrows and wipe away the tears.

I will laugh with you at the dumbest jokes...and even at the ones I don't get or don't think are funny.

I will share the silence with you when you want the company, but not the conversation.

I will walk with you through moments in your life when you don't want to be alone, and cheer you on when I can't be beside you.

I will keep you grounded if ever your triumphs get the best of you.

I will pick you up and encourage you when you fall and lose faith in yourself.

I will reassure you that your flaws are not your setbacks, but the reality that makes you the person you are. However, it does not define you.

And best of all... I will love you with everything I have to give that it will last you ten lifetimes...you will never be without it.

So still...I sit here, pen in hand...waiting patiently for our worlds to collide. And I am somewhat at comfort in knowing that you're out there and we'll find each other when the time is right.

It may not be today...unlikely tomorrow...but the faith I have in God and love gives me hope that our time WILL come.

For now, I write this letter for the one who has yet to enter my heart; knowing that one day you'll read this and know that even before I met you...before I knew you...I was thinking about you.

Thank you, N. Love, for writing the words I cannot come up with. Thank you for expressing my feelings for me. Thank you for giving me hope that, no matter how distant in the future it may be, he will come.

~spanishdude

Of the sane, the weird, and everything in between

Six years of working, six years of trying to fit in, six years of searching …

I have been a member of the Philippine Workforce and Taxpayers’ list for six years – going seven, actually – and I have never seen a group that’s composed of people so different from each other, seeing them eat lunch together is like watching NatGeo – it keeps you glued – until January 22, 2013 came along, that is.

Cast of characters:

The Fashionista. Quite possibly the sister I never had, The Fashionista was the one who introduced me to this zany bunch. She’s smart, she’s hot, and she’s passionate about a whole bunch of stuff. Only smart people are allowed to date this fox. Unfortunately, boys, you have lost the game before it has even started for two reasons: (1) She’s taken, and (2) she’s lesbian. Oh, wait! What game? Boys weren't even players in the match. *snickers*

Gogo Yubari-esque. Pretty, smart, disciplined, works hard, (insert another praise here), and (and another here). She was 1/3 of those who welcomed me to the gang with practically open arms. This “Gogo Yubari” is just as fierce (and, personally, a little bit just as scary) as the Gogo in Kill Bill when it comes to her work. She’s warm, welcoming, friendly… and also taken and dedicated.

Hanky Girl. This lady was the second third of those who welcomed me to the gang on my first day. Hanky Girl is a wacky person. She never fails to make me laugh. She could use a tad bit more confidence in her (I mean, she is a pretty lady), but in totality, I dare say she’s the most wide-ranged in the group (i.e. she can speak to you using whatever tone you are most comfortable in). From books, to movies, to musicals, Hanky Girl is my girl!

The Chef. I have never met The Chef in person, but I can tell she’s a fabulous lady! I recently read an entry in her blog, and if you do the same, I’m sure you’ll be able to tell that this lady isn't one you want to mess with – she’s been taught and trained by life and experience, and that, my dear readers, is the highest form of education and training one could ever receive! Longing to try out her cuisine (and hopefully soon), I look forward to the day when I actually get to see her and interact with her in person. That would be a day to mark in my calendar.

Mr. MIA. Mr. MIA is The Chef’s better half. He is the last third that made my first day a complete joy. He’s a sweetheart: caring, sweet, funny… The Chef won a big catch in him. I don’t think I've spent as much time with him as I actually want to, but, I guess, time will come. *smiles*

The Maestro. The Maestro is my musical twin. He’s into the same music I listen to, sings the same songs I do, and he loves harmonizing in songs like I do. He is a sweet boy(-at-heart), and possibly the gang’s baby. Nonetheless, I guess all artists have their quirks, and The Maestro’s quirk takes getting used to if you constantly have to read it in threads every day. He even has his own term: “Maestro-fied”.

The Moderator. Alas! Everyone’s “big brother”. Simple, quiet, not exactly reserved, but you get my point. Every time the conversation goes from intellectual to highly maestro-fied, this bastard (I’m so LMAO-ing right now!) sobers everyone up. He takes care of the gang like a brother would his siblings. Everyone loves The Moderator.

The Novelist. A man displaced from time, he seriously belongs in the 70s. This novelist is unlike any of the writers I’ve met (outside this group, I mean – and yes, we’re all writers in the group, readers). While most writers use blossoming, flowery words in their day-to-day interaction, this dude will tell you exactly what’s on his mind point-blank. He’s either black or white, no grays. This is also the trait I love most about him. This, and the respect and premium he gives to people.

The Einstein. I’m so sorry I could only call him Einstein when, in fact, he’s more like a genius behind dinosaurs! He doesn't talk much in the conversations, but when he does… let’s just say if you do not learn anything from any random 10 sentences he says, I’m willing to buy you Starbucks everyday for a month! You know what they say about men of few words, right? Good, ‘cause I don’t. *smiles broadly*

Different people, different personalities, and different characters in an unending story of friendship – this is my crowd. This is my new family. This is The Gang. We are all bound together by common love for life, friends, books, music, intelligent conversations, and passion for living.

The moment I met these guys, I knew they automatically fall under the 10-years-and-beyond category of friends. My years of searching are over. I’m home now.

Now, where do I fit in all this, you ask? Why, I’m

The Queen. I am also known as Your Majesty. I am the resident full-fledged gay guy. I am everything my title entails, and more. I strive to make things light and gay (happy and homo). I am the newest addition to the group, and hopefully I won’t be the last. People deserve to meet these guys. People deserve to enjoy their company as much as I do. People NEED to learn from them. This monarch has been found wanting, and now she’s complete in the presence and company of The Gang.

This is a special note for two people aforementioned: Eds J and E – read, don’t edit. *wink*

Lila ang Kulay ng Pamamaalam

For anyone and everyone who is a bookworm and would like to read something in the vernacular of Filipino (Tagalog), please check this out:

It's a novel writ by a friend; beautifully worded, wonderfully thought.

JUST READ IT: http://libidoatlikido.wordpress.com/

Download the FREE e-Book of the same title as this blog.

~spanishdude

Drawn to You

I was drawn to you
Like a moth to a flame
Like the waves upon the shore
Like the bees to Spring's flowers.

And I lost you
When fire burnt my wings
When you swam back to the ocean
When the seasons changed.

------------------

Every Yin has its Yang; and I had rather hoped that you and I would dance the eternal Waltz together.
Nevertheless, I am happy I met you when I did. You have fulfilled your reason in my life, and now I understand that you came to keep me from falling apart, to keep me from giving up.

Thank you.

For Siegfried Crow

The Geek in Me

Last night, my friend and I agreed to meet at the Starbucks branch we always go to. I got there first and had no idea what to do while waiting for him.

Then I remembered hearing the soundtrack of a show I used to watch as a child. I saw a comment on YouTube that said "Whenever I heard this theme as a child, I swore I was part of (them)" -- and I absolutely agree! So I got my headphones out, plugged it in to the iPad and searched YouTube for the theme song. I played it time and again, and decided to notate the note patterns on my notebook.

Now, for obvious reasons (i.e. I did not have a piano with me at Starbucks), I was not able to put down the actual notes (again, I only notated the patterns). This is what I came up with:

I posted the same picture on my Facebook account; but I was really disappointed that nobody got the correct answer. One of my Facebook friends commented and gave the right answer - and I wasn't even expecting him to get it right (I really wasn't expecting him to comment at all)!

Here's the challenge: If you read musical notes, try to guess what show this theme song is for. After that, check if your answer is correct by clicking on this link. If you don't read musical notes, by all means, just click!

Feel free to leave comments. Let me know how you guessed what song it was -- especially if you got it right. Also, leave comments and tell me which other songs have the same/almost-same note patterns!

This is the geek in me. Stay tuned for other songs. LOL!

~spanishdude

You Haven't Seen the Last of Me

A threat:
To everyone who has let me down in the past, to past loves who have broken my heart, to the people who have rejected me, to those who have put me in trouble.

A promise:
To those who have stood by me all this time, to those who restlessly, tirelessly, continuously, unconditionally love me and support me.

An encouragement:
To everyone who may need it.







~spanishdude

Cosmic Plea

Venus and Mars on Earth, in one

Ready to love, but taken by none.

Born under the Aquarian sky

His heart's out on his sleeves, so don't tell a lie.

He dances and sings

He smokes, he drinks:

No creme de la creme

But living La Vie Boheme!

He sends this invite to everyone

Would somebody answer, please, anyone?

"Come share my journey" he calls out.

He's worth your time, without a doubt.

Should the Universe agree,

This he promises thee:

The sun and moon, and stars as well.

Love of his life, come out of your shell!

Otro Amor Vendrá

Otro Amor Vendrá is a very nice song by Lara Fabian. It's the song that kept me hoping all through these months. As it has in the past, this song had me waiting for a better love to come.


Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is permanent but change... but we have the option to make the most of what we have.


If only for the recent events, I'm happy. I may have found love again. I am hopeful.


I hope you enjoy the song as I did. For those who prefer listening to the song in English, you may click here.






~spanishdude

Starting the Year

This is my first blog for the year and it marks my 25th year of existence.

Happy birthday, spanishdude.

I only had 1 request of the universe for my birthday, and I got the answer to it pretty quickly -- the answer was a 'no'.

I wanted to have him back today. He said no. Tough luck.

The Hebrews have a proverb that says "If you want something bad enough, the whole universe will conspire to give it to you". I know I want him really bad, so I guess the universe isn't listening.

He's right beside me, sleeping peacefully like a baby. I know I got nothing to complain about. We're no longer together, yet he's still here, "celebrating" my day with me. Truth be told, I got absolutely nothing planned today. I just want to bum around with him -- and I'm doing just that.

Sometimes, counting one's blessings is tough especially when thoughts of what lacks come to play:

- Dad in the States, slaving himself for money.

- Mom six feet under the ground since 2006.

- Him not wanting to come back to me.

- Currently job hunting.

My mentor told me that everything is just about Perception and Objectives. So what do I want to focus on this year? What counts? What matters? What do I already have?

To address bullet number 1, dad is in the States to earn for his family -- and that includes me. Sooner or later I will be with him there, so I guess that's not really a big issue.

To address bullet number 2, my mom has put her subtitutes in place. She has put them down so strategically that I have a "mother" for various specific needs. I am covered.

To address bullet number 4, I'm not entirely out-of-job; I'm getting paid to chill and look for a new post within the company and outside the company. What's the worry?

Now this leaves bullet number 3 unaddressed. I seriously have no answer to this one. I guess when they said "Love is blind", they weren't kidding. Love blinds you. Love takes out that sense so much that I cannot see what lies before me. All I want is him. He has, once again, become the center of my life. I want him. I want him back.

I can feel my 25th year starting with another blow to the gut of emotions and a big ocean of tears is well on its way to my ducts. I will fight it as hard as I could, but I think I will fail again.

I hope for the improvement of my year. I pray for the betterment of all the aspects of my life. I wish for everything to turn out as well as I envisioned everything to be.

If at least for today, I choose to be happy. To borrow the words of my mentor, "suffering is optional".

If at least for today, I will have fun.

~spanishdude

Coffee Shop

Dear Starbucks customers:

As overrated as Starbucks, admittedly, is, it is still, first and foremost, a coffee shop.

As such, may we please ask you to respect the "auditory space" of the other patrons by keeping your voices down.

Thank you very much for your undying patronage.

~spanishdude928

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS]:

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone.

[back to CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

YOU’RE KEEPING ME DOWN, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You're on to me, on to me, and all over...

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

Is it really worth it?

A friend from a social networking site posted this on his wall:

"Save the night. Save the day.

Save your love, come what may.

Love is worth everything we pay."

Is it really worth it, though? Is love worth everything we pay?

Every year, my family celebrates Thanksgiving by preparing a lavish meal on the Saturday following the actual Thanksgiving day. This year, it was tonight.

A few days ago, my stepmom told me that she invited The X over to join us for our annual Thanksgiving Dinner. I said yes. Heck! I'm good to go. I'm still in the process of moving on, but I was sure that I could handle it.

Tonight I got to see him again. Tonight I got to spend time with him again. Tonight... tonight he managed to shatter me to pieces again.

I've spent 5 months of trying to recuperate from the crash. I've spent 5 months trying to move on. I've spent 5 grueling months forcing myself to believe that I'm fine and that I'll be okay...

...and it took him 2 lazy hours to have me disillusioned once more.

Is it still worth it? Is love still worth everything we pay?

I pay with tears. I pay with sadness. I pay with grievances. I pay with pain.

I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

Is it, now, still worth it?

Yesteryear

If tonight

were a night

from yesteryear

I know

I would be home

nestled in your embrace.

But tonight

is not

from yesteryear

so I search

the night

for anything

that could

Fill

the void.

History Repeats Itself

"History repeats itself" was, and is, something that is common for a lot of people.

They fail to realize (as I have only realized now) that 'history' repeating itself may be someone's story from way back when, and now it is yours, too, to share.

Read on.



...fuck

learn.

learn.

learn to say goodbye.

learn to accept that it is not because it was not meant to be.

he just doesn't want it. want you.

the small slices at the heart-core, that eats away at your vitality.

would one stab be more merciful?

...fuck.



*Taken from the blogs of Noir Kohl

Abril

ya es abril... y creo que debíamos volar los papalotes...

pero está muerto el viento...

se trae el viento nuestros sueños.

sin embargo ya no soñamos.

¡alás!

está muerto el viento.

y ya no podemos volar los papalotes.



*tomado directamente de los blogs de Noir Kohl

Choosy? I think not!

Why is it so damn difficult to find someone worthy of me?

Yes, yes. That did sound a tad bit too... egotistic... I suppose a bit more humility would do me well. Nonetheless, the fact still remains that most of the boys who find me interesting are... well... "sub-standard".

Is it too much to ask for someone who has good English communication skills (Spanish preferred, to be honest, but we could start with English)? Is it too much to ask for someone who is at least 5'9" in height? Is it too much to ask for someone who is musically inclined (not to mention someone who is, as well, enchanted by the stage)? Is it too much to ask for someone who... oh well... yeah... asking for someone who drives (and actually owns his own car) is too much to ask for... BUT STILL! haha! Is it too much to ask for someone who has a physique that is not as titanic as mine? Is it too much to ask for someone who will treat me like a princess?

Ok. So maybe I have been asking for someone too close to perfect (in my reality, at least), but I still don't think I'm going over-board. I mean, all of us have our ideal partners in mind, yes? I am simply asking for what's ideal to me.

I think we all deserve to be happy. I think we all deserve to get who and what we want (and I mean "who and what" in terms of the internal and external factor/s).

I'm not being xhoosy. I'm simply looking for the man who I believe deserves to have the best of me.

Coat of Arms: Bordered 4-Quadrant Shield, Crest, Supporters

You know how you get those days when you're simply out-of-sync, like you're whole body is going haywire? Well, I got one of those days last Thursday.

I was sick and I absolutely did not want to work. So, I spent my whole shift talking to colleagues. I just unveiled, however, that one of my "sisters" from work, Sol Invictus, is a geek! No wonder I loved speaking with him.

By some freak of nature, our conversations flowed from one topic to another, and then we landed on the topic of having Coats of Arms.

Have you ever imagined yourself being one of the royalties wearing your own emblem, your own symbol, your own insignia? Have you ever thought of having much more than your written signature as a way to "sign your name"?

I have, and I have always wanted to bring my family's crest wherever I go. Unfortunately, I could not find any available crests/Coats of Arms from any of my families, save for my middle name, Pereyra; but the one that I found in the Internet is not a genuine crest.

I was very happy to know that Sol Invictus was more than willing to "create" my very own Coat of Arms. We researched on a whole load of information about my family, but mostly, we only needed to translate what my names meant. As all of my names are of Spanish lineage, we had no troubles getting their meanings.

The picture above is a rough draft of what my "invented" coat of arms would look like when Sol Invictus finishes drawing it. A lot of things will still change: the pillars, the colors, the shield itself. Nonetheless, here's a preview of what it should look like, and below are the meanings of each symbol you see above (disclaimer: The Rules of Heraldry is a tedious topic to learn, much more to discuss. The "terminologies" you will see below are my own definition of what the symbols/pieces are in accordance to how I understood the rules. They are not to be taken as the actual terminology used in Heraldry):

1. Coat of Arms: 4 Quadrants - My invented Coat of Arms would have the four (4) quadrants, showing my lineage (from top to bottom, left to right): Santos-Nopuente-Pereyra-Zialcita.




2. Crest: The Mythical Phoenix - I have always been enamored to the immortal bird of flame. I would love to think that, like the phoenix, I never die. Although there are trials that come my way, I may falter, I may bleed, but never will I die. As the phoenix rises from the ashes, so shall I always be reborn to a better version of me.




3. Supporters: The Grecian Influence - To the left, you have the Greek god of music, Apollo, with his Golden Lyre. To the right, you have the Greek muse of music and lyric poetry, Euterpe. Both the god and the muse are facing outward to signify my longing for my music to be heard.




4. Border: The Sampaguita - This species of the Jasmine flower is the national flower of the Philippines. This is to symbolize my nationality, a Filipino. Although my lineage is mainly Spanish, the border of Sampaguita encompasses all lines as a whole shield. I may be Spanish by lineage and blood, but I am a Filipino by all intents and purposes.

My Coat of Arms is not yet complete, and I am looking forward to seeing the revised version soon. I would just like to note that this is an invented design. This is not registered, and this is not official.

If you wish to have yours made, you may want to get in touch with the College of Arms in your country. The most-probably-accurate College of Arms that the Philippines would have would have to be in Spain, Castille and/or León (I think). I am not very sure of my information, but you are more than welcome to research on it. Don't be shy to share whatever findings you may have!

I am thrilled to have this design soon! I have great respect and adoration for the artistic capabilities of Sol Invictus, and I am very thankful to him for helping me make this dream a reality!






Sang'gre Ashte Sol Invictus: ¡Muchísimas gracias por todo!

Cathartic Release

AWWWWWWFFFFUUUCCCKKIIITTTT!!!

I have nothing more to say. I'm just... venting. :)

Bakit Pa by Jessa Zaragoza

Ok... So a friend of mine came up with a great idea of putting songs up on YouTube, covering famous songs by different artists. Here's the twist though: the songs will be sung in Gay Lingo! LOL!

First song:

Bakit Pa by Jessa Zaragoza

Verse:
Parang wit ko yata keri
Pag sa buhay kez waley ketch
Aneklur ang shog-ibig kung
Heart kez ay solo flight?
Cynthiang aking kokyowagin?
Cythinang aking sa-sightsung-in?
Sinekwabum magshushuno
Sa'king pag kokrombing?


Chorus:
Borket ka pa na-sightsung,
More more pang get-to-know-you,
Kung ang kyuso kez ay jijiwan mo lang at shoshoktan?
Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.

(repeat verse, repeat chorus, interlude)

Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.

Borket ka pa na-sightsung,
More more pang get-to-know-you,
Kung ang kyuso kez ay jijiwan mo lang at shoshoktan?
Kung s'ya ay more more sa'kin,
More more crayola ever,
Keri lang, itey ay keribumchi.
(repeat)

Keri, itey ay keribumchi.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED

The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

[Chorus:]
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move

~spanishdude